I'm Back in Church...Now What?

At a recent marriage retreat, I was asked to help respond to a question posed for a panel discussion. It dealt with the mindset of one who failed and has recently come back to God. Perhaps it will help you or someone you know.

Where is my confidence?

The mindset of the newly refilled backslider is a fragile one. Guilt is a predominant factor. Even after repentance, forgiveness, and restoration, undoubtedly there will be continual reminders of one’s past failure. I could perhaps even go as far as to say there are some who might make it their mission in life to call remembrance to it. Eventually, as time goes by, these instances will decrease, but it is a lengthy process. It is not one that ends in weeks or months. It could take years. This brings me to probably the most important attribute to allow a failure to heal: patience. They say time heals all wounds, but it is not clocked with a stopwatch. In many cases, emotional wounds have taken place. Scars have developed in the process.

God’s forgiveness is very definable. There is no questioning the release of guilt at restoration; no doubt in His willingness to wash away the sin. However, as humans we don’t necessarily cross paths with those absolutes when dealing with our fellow man. Even though forgiveness has been spoken or conveyed, the actions or inhibition of hurt individuals may be perceived as holding onto the transgression. It has been my experience that many will question, “It’s been a while, why don’t they trust me?” or “Why hasn’t she forgiven me?” The simple answer is fear. And fear breeds mistrust. Despite the efforts one makes in restoring relationships, there remains a sense of trepidation. The truth is that the person who has experienced pain or nurses the wounds caused by your failure may have very well forgiven. Still it’s in our human nature, one of instinct, to set up devices of protectionism. It is reactionary to the hurt they have incurred.

The previously guilty party will have to endure this time of healing. Do not become dismayed in this process, but use it as an opportunity for growth. The confidence will be restored with every act of kindness, with every aspect of accountability, with every reciprocated embrace and the ever increasing positive reactions. That’s when your confidence will be back. It will seem a painstakingly long process, but you will never forget the moment that a brother says, “I trust you.” or a spouse says, “I’m not afraid anymore.” I submit to you that your confidence will never be greater than in that instant.

How do I forgive myself?

Since guilt is such a prevailing aspect of the recognition of sin, forgiving yourself may seem a large task. It is an act whose completion relies solely on you. It sounds like a daunting undertaking, but I assure you it is more straightforward than you might think.

“Repeatedly placing one’s self on a cross of repentance does not make one a martyr. Often times it just shows an unwillingness to put the body in the grave.”

That probably feels like a little “tough” love and it is. Unlike God’s forgiveness, the nature of man will want to rehash its failures. Sometimes we may have to take steps to ensure that continual reminders are not affecting our outlook. This may include changes in employment, changes in conversation, changes in acquaintances and friends, changes in accountability, etc… In addition, as we make those adjustments in our lives, we must never forget to continue to pray that God changes that mindset within. Through true repentance and with restoration manifest through the refilling of the Holy Ghost, we must realize that those sins are buried. God remembers them no more. Enough repenting for things already forgiven…put the body in the grave!

“For I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day” (II Timothy 1:12).

When we place our trust in Him and have the assurance in our spiritual restoration, He removes all shame and all evidence of guilt. He is able to keep you on the journey of renewal and help uphold your commitment to Him. He wants to see you succeed! Don’t surround yourself with those who will question or constantly want to discuss that which is under the blood. Encompass yourself with those who give you support in your progress; a pastor who believes in you, friends who encourage your success, and a family that proclaims it.

You are not sowing those fields anymore. That season of your life is over. You have reaped the difficulty and the hurt of past works, but keep in mind that God has redeemed you from that yoke. There are new fields in front of you; new challenges and rewards. Let God put your hands to a new plow; a sowing of repairing bridges, reconnecting relationships, and the building up of new trusts.

How do you deal with inferiority in regard to being used by God?

Like the previous two points, patience is a much needed tool when we discuss reinstating ourselves into the work of the Kingdom. With any sin, regardless of its nature, there will always be a time of reconciliation with God and a time of just being a saint in the pew. It is during this time that we are working out the difficulties of self-worth and self-confidence and re-establishing our walk.

During this time, we should not be timid in our worship or praise. We should not be hesitant in our outward expression of thanks for what He has done in our lives. There should be no apprehension when prompted to pray with a brother or a sister. God’s grace is a covering that is applied not just to a chosen few. It does not matter whether one has been a life-long church member, a recovering drug addict, or one who has been unfaithful. Paul did not say, “Some have sinned,” or “those with certain sins come short of the glory of God.” Each and every one of us has been justified by His grace through redemption. The old chorus comes to mind: “I’ve got a right to praise the Lord. I’ve got a right to lift my voice.” Through the refurbishment of our walk, our purpose and intent as the creation of God remains the same. We must lift Him up in confidence, zeal, and diligence.

As that walk continues, there may come a time when you feel impelled to explore further avenues of work in the Kingdom; whether it be the practical (assisting in church administration, serving on a ministry committee, or cutting the grass) or the spiritual aspects (singing in the choir, teaching a Sunday school class, or speaking to a youth group). No matter what that area is, it is of great importance that you pursue it with counsel. Involve your pastor in your thoughts and concerns. You will be amazed at the reassurance you will receive when your pastor is involved in the support of what you have been feeling. Along with your pastor, continue to seek counsel of men/women in your life that you hold in high regard and trust. Go to them often. Let them be an encouragement to you, increasing your faith in the direction that God is moving you in. Inferiority comes from the doubt of self-worth. Declare war on that spirit. It is simply not true when you are a child of God. Do not let Satan steal a dream, crush a calling, or misguide your steps simply because you feel the judgment of someone else’s eyes. Prove them wrong…or better yet…prove God right.

I Know Him...Does He Know Me?

Matt 7:23 And then I will profess unto them, I never knew you, depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

It’s a sobering thought. The consideration that one lives his/her life in an ideally “good” manner and that walk is rejected. However, the reality remains that there is a distinction in the act of knowing God and the intimacy of God knowing us. Let me throw out a few things for you to consider, chew on or spit out if that is the case. This is not exhaustive or profound by any means and your feed back is welcome as usual.

The Bible is generous in its use of the phrase “know him.”

Deut 4:35 Unto thee it was shewed, that thou mightest know that the Lord he is God; there is none else beside him.

David to Solomon: And thou, Solomon my son, know thou the God of thy father, and serve him with a perfect heart and a willing mind…(1 Chronicles 28:9)

1 Cor 2:2 For I am determined not to know anything among you, save Jesus Christ, and him crucified.

Philippians 3:10 That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death.

2 Tim 1:12 …for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day.

Perhaps, this is just one reason why the religious world has latched onto this as its unconscious reasoning for lack of a deeper relationship with God; always on the peripherals of what a move of God and a sincere relationship with God encompasses. To put it another way, it is the misconception that an individual’s acceptance of Him is unconditionally honored or reciprocated with God’s acceptance of the individual. It sounds harsh. It sounds cruel. Nevertheless, the offerings of our religious world (call them what you would like…charismatic, emerging, feel gooders) is wrapping its arms around people and convincing them that its our human acceptance that is going to make everything all right. That “knowing Him” and accepting him is what it takes. That is not to say the step of one’s acceptance of God is not necessary. I do not believe I am being contradictory here.

Repentance or confession of one’s sins in consideration for forgiveness is an act of the flesh. Some of you just went bug eyed. That’s ok. God may be working in someone’s life which brings forth conviction. They may hear the Word of God preached and heaviness of heart may result. But the act of repentance in itself is a human response. Yes, it is part of God’s plan, but the action itself is the evidence of a decision made in our mind. I can say the spirit of God moved on me and I felt convicted. Or I might say the sermon this evening pricked my conscience. On the other hand, you won’t hear me say that God made me step into the aisle or walk to an altar. That was a decision I made; an acknowledgement to God (knowing Him and accepting of His Word?) of what I was doing wrong or how I was living was not correct.

This admittance of wrong doing is where many hold their ground, even in maintaining their efforts in God’s kingdom. They endeavor to know him, to know His Word and to live right. But does He know them? I am persuaded that the answer is a resounding NO.

Titus 1:16 They profess that they know God; but in works they deny him, being abominable, and disobedient and unto every good work reprobate.

This line of thinking is what results in the cycle of sin and is sometimes unknowingly endorsed (remarkably) in some religious circles. Repeatedly putting one’s self up on the cross does not necessarily make one a martyr. Often times it is just being unwilling to put the body in the grave. I feel the need to emphasize that I am not being contrary to Paul and his remarks about dying out daily. But rather pointing to the existence of a pursuit of the knowledge of Christ and endeavoring to live in morality with out the help of the Comforter which is manifest through God’s acceptance of us.

Nahum 1:7 The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust him.

It’s one thing to know a person. It is another different story entirely to trust them. You would not leave your children with simply a mere acquaintance. Pastors would not open their pulpits to one in whom they did not have confidence, either by intimate familiarity or through the recommendation of trusted sources. The tie that belongs to a man and woman through marriage is a bond that requires each partner to demand reliance and faith of the other. It requires an openness of thoughts, feelings and emotions with an expectation of confidence and security. I submit to you that as an individual seeks the precious gift of the Holy Ghost, he/she makes the ultimate display of dependence on God; a willingness to open one’s heart. In doing so, they surrender and lay aside hesitance and inhibition. When you open up you home to someone new, you do so with expectation that you are not only going to know more about them after the experience, but that they will know more about you also. The difference is that the seeker is asking God to take up residence. “Come into my life. Reside in my heart. Save my soul!” That’s when he knows us! When the Spirit exhibits itself by the infilling of the Holy Ghost, the evidence with speaking in tongues…God moves into the house. He begins an intimate relationship with us. A trust has been born in the individual and the Savior has placed a mark of distinction upon them.

This does not negate the omnipresence of God or the thought that God knows the heart of all men. It does not contradict His love, mercy or grace. Those are still available through forgiveness and the washing away of our sins. But the intimacy of the relationship begins we place the welcome mat at the front of our inner most being and say, “The doors open, Lord. Please come in.” When it counts “in that day,” will I be able to say I fellowshipped with him daily…I let him stay close to me…I protected and fought for our relationship…He knew me?. I am troubled that so many want to know Him…so many want to seek Him. So many will say look what I have done, look what we have done in your name, look how well I knew you…but they never let Him close enough…to know them.

2 Tim 2:19 Nevertheless the foundation of God standeth sure, having this seal, The Lord knoweth them that are his. And let every one that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity.