I'm Back in Church...Now What?

At a recent marriage retreat, I was asked to help respond to a question posed for a panel discussion. It dealt with the mindset of one who failed and has recently come back to God. Perhaps it will help you or someone you know.

Where is my confidence?

The mindset of the newly refilled backslider is a fragile one. Guilt is a predominant factor. Even after repentance, forgiveness, and restoration, undoubtedly there will be continual reminders of one’s past failure. I could perhaps even go as far as to say there are some who might make it their mission in life to call remembrance to it. Eventually, as time goes by, these instances will decrease, but it is a lengthy process. It is not one that ends in weeks or months. It could take years. This brings me to probably the most important attribute to allow a failure to heal: patience. They say time heals all wounds, but it is not clocked with a stopwatch. In many cases, emotional wounds have taken place. Scars have developed in the process.

God’s forgiveness is very definable. There is no questioning the release of guilt at restoration; no doubt in His willingness to wash away the sin. However, as humans we don’t necessarily cross paths with those absolutes when dealing with our fellow man. Even though forgiveness has been spoken or conveyed, the actions or inhibition of hurt individuals may be perceived as holding onto the transgression. It has been my experience that many will question, “It’s been a while, why don’t they trust me?” or “Why hasn’t she forgiven me?” The simple answer is fear. And fear breeds mistrust. Despite the efforts one makes in restoring relationships, there remains a sense of trepidation. The truth is that the person who has experienced pain or nurses the wounds caused by your failure may have very well forgiven. Still it’s in our human nature, one of instinct, to set up devices of protectionism. It is reactionary to the hurt they have incurred.

The previously guilty party will have to endure this time of healing. Do not become dismayed in this process, but use it as an opportunity for growth. The confidence will be restored with every act of kindness, with every aspect of accountability, with every reciprocated embrace and the ever increasing positive reactions. That’s when your confidence will be back. It will seem a painstakingly long process, but you will never forget the moment that a brother says, “I trust you.” or a spouse says, “I’m not afraid anymore.” I submit to you that your confidence will never be greater than in that instant.

How do I forgive myself?

Since guilt is such a prevailing aspect of the recognition of sin, forgiving yourself may seem a large task. It is an act whose completion relies solely on you. It sounds like a daunting undertaking, but I assure you it is more straightforward than you might think.

“Repeatedly placing one’s self on a cross of repentance does not make one a martyr. Often times it just shows an unwillingness to put the body in the grave.”

That probably feels like a little “tough” love and it is. Unlike God’s forgiveness, the nature of man will want to rehash its failures. Sometimes we may have to take steps to ensure that continual reminders are not affecting our outlook. This may include changes in employment, changes in conversation, changes in acquaintances and friends, changes in accountability, etc… In addition, as we make those adjustments in our lives, we must never forget to continue to pray that God changes that mindset within. Through true repentance and with restoration manifest through the refilling of the Holy Ghost, we must realize that those sins are buried. God remembers them no more. Enough repenting for things already forgiven…put the body in the grave!

“For I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day” (II Timothy 1:12).

When we place our trust in Him and have the assurance in our spiritual restoration, He removes all shame and all evidence of guilt. He is able to keep you on the journey of renewal and help uphold your commitment to Him. He wants to see you succeed! Don’t surround yourself with those who will question or constantly want to discuss that which is under the blood. Encompass yourself with those who give you support in your progress; a pastor who believes in you, friends who encourage your success, and a family that proclaims it.

You are not sowing those fields anymore. That season of your life is over. You have reaped the difficulty and the hurt of past works, but keep in mind that God has redeemed you from that yoke. There are new fields in front of you; new challenges and rewards. Let God put your hands to a new plow; a sowing of repairing bridges, reconnecting relationships, and the building up of new trusts.

How do you deal with inferiority in regard to being used by God?

Like the previous two points, patience is a much needed tool when we discuss reinstating ourselves into the work of the Kingdom. With any sin, regardless of its nature, there will always be a time of reconciliation with God and a time of just being a saint in the pew. It is during this time that we are working out the difficulties of self-worth and self-confidence and re-establishing our walk.

During this time, we should not be timid in our worship or praise. We should not be hesitant in our outward expression of thanks for what He has done in our lives. There should be no apprehension when prompted to pray with a brother or a sister. God’s grace is a covering that is applied not just to a chosen few. It does not matter whether one has been a life-long church member, a recovering drug addict, or one who has been unfaithful. Paul did not say, “Some have sinned,” or “those with certain sins come short of the glory of God.” Each and every one of us has been justified by His grace through redemption. The old chorus comes to mind: “I’ve got a right to praise the Lord. I’ve got a right to lift my voice.” Through the refurbishment of our walk, our purpose and intent as the creation of God remains the same. We must lift Him up in confidence, zeal, and diligence.

As that walk continues, there may come a time when you feel impelled to explore further avenues of work in the Kingdom; whether it be the practical (assisting in church administration, serving on a ministry committee, or cutting the grass) or the spiritual aspects (singing in the choir, teaching a Sunday school class, or speaking to a youth group). No matter what that area is, it is of great importance that you pursue it with counsel. Involve your pastor in your thoughts and concerns. You will be amazed at the reassurance you will receive when your pastor is involved in the support of what you have been feeling. Along with your pastor, continue to seek counsel of men/women in your life that you hold in high regard and trust. Go to them often. Let them be an encouragement to you, increasing your faith in the direction that God is moving you in. Inferiority comes from the doubt of self-worth. Declare war on that spirit. It is simply not true when you are a child of God. Do not let Satan steal a dream, crush a calling, or misguide your steps simply because you feel the judgment of someone else’s eyes. Prove them wrong…or better yet…prove God right.